That feeling when you don’t even know what the fuck your really feeling…
Are you one of those people, that at times are Unable to find the words necessary to describe your feelings? Do you find difficulty in experiencing, expressing and describing emotional responses?
Do you have days when you get up, feeling fine, then for no apparent reason the whole ‘world’ in your head, just freaks out? Do you explode at whoever or whatever is nearest to you at that moment?, or do you withdraw and become quite, just trying to deal with whatever is going on inside your head and body?
I withdraw and become quiet….and it’s this that pisses and annoys people around me. They don’t understand, they just assume I am in a shitty mood when I am REaLLY NOT…
Nobody really knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I have sat alone in a room and cried, how many times I have lost hope, how many times I have been hurt and let down. Nobody knows how many times I have held back tears, how many times I have felt like I’m about to snap but just don’t just for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts and torment that goes through my head, especially when I am sad or a bit stressed out.
Nobody knows or understands just how difficult it really is To Put My Feelings and Emotions into Words!!!
It’s extremely difficult to live with, especially when you have a loving, understanding partner who, on many occasions says…
” Just talk to me”,
and you don’t know how or where to start! Then I feel shit and selfish because here is someone willing to ‘listen’ and be supportive……but I don’t have and can’t find the words to describe what and why I am feeling like I’m feeling!!
It’s cruel, it’s scary and it’s a fucking piss take…
I sometimes hate my inner being…..
I don’t understand her or what’s she’s doing or why she’s doing it.
I don’t like the way she just pops up out of nowhere, with no apparent reason and plays total, havoc, with my head.
She turns me into a wreck, a silent, withdrawn, slowly sinking ship…..
…..a mute with no tongue,
….a life with no means of expressing myself…….
For more information and advice on Alexithymia :
( I strongly advise the above link, especially for those living with someone who suffers from this ….)