When my son got married last year, I was unable to attend, him being in S.A and myself in the UK….
So what does a mother do in that situation?, it near enough tore my heart out….but I composed myself and accepted this fate and put my energy into writing him a letter …..LOL….it’s more like an essay……his brother read extracts to him at the reception, well that’s what I was told, but it’s on paper, so hopefully Whenever he reads it, it will remind him that distance doesn’t matter….love does…
To My First Born, on your wedding day…
You are my first born,and I have absolutely no regrets or even thoughts of regrets for becoming your mother.
From the day you were born you were the center of my world. You were adorable, happy, You were the light of my life and as you grew I only ever wanted you to be happy. You also have two wonderful brothers who complete you.. Always keep that bond….it’s unbreakable…
Happiness is not lots of money, it’s not a lot of possessions, it is not fame. Happiness is in your self worth, your family, and in the friends you develop. It is in living a healthy life with ethical morals, with helping others, with doing the right thing when it is the hardest thing to do. Happiness is in respect for yourself and, there by, respect for others. Happiness is in your accomplishments no matter what they are as long as you achieve with ethics, as long as you grow personally, and as long as you have no regrets.
As you grew, as you went to school, as you went through my divorce, and as you dealt with life in general, I tried to teach you good morals and the things you need to make you happy. Your life was not always easy, in fact, it was filled with many adverse issues and problems from the divorce to moving in with Nan and Oups, whom spent a lot of time with you and the boys, teaching you, loving you. Through all these life altering issues I did strive hard to lead you through them by learning from them, working through them in an intellectual way, and through growing personally because of them. It is through these bad times that you learned how to handle adversity, how to grow because of those issues and how to come through them farther ahead than before they happened. And it’s because of you and your brothers that I got through most of my battles.. I am so very very proud of all 3 of you.
I tried to teach you about life because I only wanted you to be happy.
As a young adult you graduated from high school, started technical school for some additional education, broke away from your father, moved out to live on your own, lost contact with friends, and held several positions of employment. Through everything you continued to move forward, make new friends, find new positions, and grow personally. There were times when you were down, depressed over life’s path. Every road is full of bumps and pot holes. That is how you learn, grow and develop your self worth. I feel you have learned well, know how to work through all the issues life throws at you and can move forward using your morals base. Happiness can be yours.
As a Young man, you, and indeed every human being, should be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. I have never heard anything but compliments on all 3 of you boys impeccable manners and respect for others…
Now you have met someone, “the one” as you put it. She has enriched your life and has brought a lot to you. You have helped each other in many ways and your wishes are to continue to help and protect her. A good, lasting relationship is two people, both contributing to the relationship as much as possible. It is equal? No, not always. Is it fair? No, not always. Is it work? Yes, always. Is it hard? Yes, everything good is hard work. Is it fun? Yes, hopefully. Is it worth it? Absolutely, with out a doubt!
You have asked her to marry you and she has accepted. Soon you will embark on a new part in your road of life. This part, making a family with or without children, can be the most rewarding yet the most hurtful part of life. Use what you have learned so far during your life to make your family life everything it should be, everything you want it to be. You will no longer be one, you will be two or three or more and all are affected by what you do or don’t do. Use what I and your close family…brothers, Nan and Oups, have taught you, use what you have learned through all those issues growing up to develop a happy productive family.
On this day, your wedding day, as your mother, I have advice, of course, but most important to me is the happiness of my first born, my eldest son. Hannah makes you happy and you seem to want to do everything you can do for her to make her life easier, fuller, happier. You make her happy, filling in as her best friend, protector, and confidant. Together you can look out for each other, love each other, and develop an unbreakable bond.
Now, to my advice. First and foremost, love her. Love her no matter what. Make that commitment now. She is not perfect. You are not perfect. No one is perfect. You must accept her for who she is. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone does things without thinking about the consequences. Love her no matter what happens. Love her unconditionally, now and forever, no matter what. And the same goes for Hannah..love him, be loyal, trustworthy, honest and respectful, and you will always have a man that loves you and will always be with you.
Key to a great relationship is communication. Develop those skills and do not be afraid to talk to her about everything and anything. As close as you are, as well as you know each other, you are still two people with two different minds, with two different backgrounds, and with two different personalities. Talk about everything. Why did you do this? Why did she do that? What were you thinking? What did she want? How can you help her? Where do you want to do that? How do you feel? How does she feel? Talk. Talk about everything. Learn to express how you feel, your emotions need to be shared just like your opinions and ideas need to be shared. In fact, share everything, don’t hold anything back. A white lie, turns into a bigger lie …in the end The truth ALWAYS comes out..
Perhaps more important than talking is the other side of communication, listening. Listen to everything she says. Do not interrupt, allow her to tell you everything she wants to tell you.
Perhaps it will hurt your feelings, but you must listen to her to be able to work out any issues. If you are talking, interrupting her, you are not listening. Keep your ears open, listen to her, be open minded and care enough to want to listen to her no matter what she has to say. It is important to her or she would not express it to you. If it is important to her, it should be important to you. Care, care enough to listen well. And again, the same goes for Hannah.
Never let anger come between you. Do not do anything out of anger. Do not react from anger. Do not discuss issues or make decisions while angry. Things happen, people do things, accept that. Anger is a hot, explosive emotion. Nothing good comes from anger, it is an unproductive emotion. It is not worth your time and energy. Instead remain calm, take some deep breaths, tell yourself nothing is worth the energy anger would take. Take a walk, take a shower…cut the law…… When calm, talk, listen, discuss, and develop a solution. Throw anger out of your vocabulary, get rid of it.
These are the things that are the most important. If you love her no matter what, accepting her for who she is, if you talk to her about everything and anything, if you listen to her with an open mind, if you remain calm at all times, there is nothing in life that you cannot work out together. Nothing will be able to tear you apart.
As your mother, I only want you to be happy. Happy with yourself, with your family, and with your friends. All are instrumental in smoothing the long bumpy road we call life.
Love and be loved.
Give and give some more. I’m not talking about money, your time is more valuable. Give of yourself and your time.
Appreciate others and their good deeds. Do not take anyone for granted. Treat her well, be helpful, do not take her for granted. Treat her as you want to be treated yourself.
Appreciate the little things in life and the big things will come.
Care about others and allow them to care for you.
Learn something every day. No matter how small, unimportant or different, it is important to learn each and every day.
I love you, my first born, my son. I loved you when you were born. I love you now. I have always loved you. I will always love you. I will always be here for you….
And remember, with you in spirit….I love you and would have loved to be part of your big day….. Big hug…..all the best……xxxxxxxxx
And remember…you have a mom who is a what’s app away….;) x
On a more serious note, here are 15 tips
Night and Morning Prayer – to give thanks, to ask for help, to worship together.
A Daily Phone Call – to say, “I love you,” to touch base, to discuss your day, to show you care.
A Weekly Date – to go out to eat, see a movie, attend a concert, go to a park, or anything to just be together.
Daily Service – pay attention to what your partner is dealing with and lend a hand.
Live On a Budget – communicate about money, stay out of debt, temper your wants, agree on your expenditures.
Listen – not only to what is said but also to what is meant.
Regular Attendance – to church each week.
Daily Scripture Reading – to continue to grow in the gospel, to have the spirit, to be more like the Savior.
Support Your Spouse – in school, career and righteous goals.
Forgive Each Other – let it go, admit you’re wrong, don’t hold grudges and never use the “Silent Treatment.”
Patience – for tardiness, missed meals, thoughtless remarks, or imperfections.
Soft and Kind Words – gentleness, compassion, kindness, empathy for each other.
Care About Your Spouse’s Family – enjoy their company, get to know them, visit them, overlook their differences.
Occasional Gifts – small tokens of your love, notes, gifts of service or time.
Love with All Your Heart – “Thou shalt love they wife with all they heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22) This means no wandering eyes.